Our family has a great many things to be thankful for, and I am, but I must admit, I can't seem to have two good days in row lately. The one good day completely wipes me out. The consistent parenting, discipline. I wake the next day and I just can't do it again.
I'm frustrated with my inability to do what I know I should do, to do it with a cheerful heart. I want to return to my somewhat naive but happy tendency to assume everything will turn out. I believe it will, but somewhere deep in me I must have doubt. And it's showing it's ugly face.
My good days are great. My bad ones are not. I'm frayed and war torn from the battles both in my heart and from my children. This life is war, and I'm not a soldier. I want peace, naturally. But the cost of peace IS war, so I'm gonna learn to fight.
And a daily list to remind me that He is good.
How so like my God that Sunday's sermon was on this very thing. Depression is proven to decrease, joy abound, when we keep a weekly journal of gratefulness. Last week, I was too busy, too something, and I didn't. No wonder my heart was frail and downcast and I had to try so hard not to fall completely apart.
He convicted me, and there in my chair, the tears came, and this week, I have my list.
My broken offering of thanks:
One Thousand Gifts
Joining the playing
A good drama : Amazing Grace
Salt on icy roads
A sermon on joy and weekly counting gifts!
A day off
New fabric for purse designes
The learning that comes from a business
Robb's job, restructured to everyone's satisfaction
Long term plans
Conversations in the van
A forgiving daughter
Madison's black eye healed (snowboarding incident)
A cat bite, healed
A husband's comfort and wise words
Tears that release and cleanse
That after the long dark night comes dawn. The sun always rises.
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