I don't have it in me.
I press on anyway, and as is usual, they press back.
Sigh... Why is this so hard?
I answer my own question: Because we do not live in a void. There will always be resistance when we seek to live contrary to the prowling prince of this world.
I face off in the bathroom with one child who hates me and hates school and sit there on the only seat in the room, finally calm, yet sadly listening to lies.This is my reality for the moment, but it's not the only reality. A heart spewing is not the end of the story. I will not let angry words deafen me to truth.
The words of a song unexpectedly interrupt the barrage in my ears.
Let hope rise, and darkness tremble in your holy light,
that every eye will see, Jesus our God,
great and mighty to be praised.
God of all days, glorious in all of your ways,Hope...the knowledge that the Light of truth reaches through the darkest anger, His word hidden in my heart overcomes self-deception, and His power is great enough to change the thoughts and attitudes of an angry child or my own. His ways are glorious, though the way is sometimes wrought with struggle, his grace is wonderful, though the pain of sin is still remembered. I hope....knowing that He loves us too much to leave us the same.
your majesty, the wonder and grace,
In the light of your name...with everything,
we will shout for your glory....your praise....
Hope. It changes everything.
There are days I will sit in the bathroom hearing words that grieve my heart, but I must remember, his work is not yet complete. He is at work. In my children. In me.
With everything, in hope, and for his glory and praise, I list gratitude.
subtraction with seashells we picked off the beach
"beautiful beyond beautiful dresses" for a beautiful price
treats and compliments "You're the best Mrs. S!"
freshly showered boy
early bedtime for a sleepover
spring snow that melts by noon
the smell of ground thawing
a made bed
a husband who knows what my heart needs
A God who knows even better