Beyond Imagining: Blessed Assurance {Pt 5}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read:

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) {Pt 1}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church {Pt 2}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3} 
Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt 4}

 ~*~

the door of my sister's house in Mexico

We were relieved that there was an increased chance Robb would get the job, but we realized that it was still just about a 25% probability. Few people bet their life on those kinds of numbers, and we aren't some of those few. The path continued, but we didn't know exactly where we were going.

The past year, I had often thought of Job, who lost everything, who moaned and groaned in sackcloth and ashes. It seems he lost joy, even cursed the day he was born, but he would not deny or curse the name of God.  He was considered righteous and proved God's boast in him by just one thing. Faithful perseverance.

We kept walking the path, some days joyful and hopeful, and some just one foot in front of the other. I began to realize even that minimal effort of faith was enough to prove God's boast in me, in us. He sees my deeds, knows my weakness, and yet he is still an opener of doors. And what he opens, no one can shut.
 
Ten more days after the most recent Human Resources contact, I was encouraged again by the Word when my friend texted me saying, "I meant to share this{verse} with you before, but it came back {to me} today, so I know it's important."

So I pray that God who give you hope will keep you happy and FULL of peace as you believe him. May you overflow with HOPE through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 {Caps hers}

The significance of that particular verse hit me immediately.

I answered her, quickly tapping out the letters on my phone,

"That was the verse on my Christmas card last year! I sure hope that means we've come full circle with that verse as bookends to a year that required lots of hope!"

I could hardly believe it when my mom sent me the same verse in an email the following week!

Few times in my life have I felt strongly that God was speaking something specific or possibly prophetic to my heart, and this is one of them.  The problem of hope was confronting us, yet in my darkest hour, when hope seemed foolish, He twice sent me the verse I had chosen for the year.

He saw my weakness and floundering faith, and his voice spoke to my heart.

Probabilities mean nothing when the Holy Spirit is at work! 
See what I am doing?  
This is your open door!
Hope in ME! 

I've got this!

~*~

Thanks for joining me as I tell our story! To those who have given encouraging feedback, thank you! Your words spur me on (Hebrews 10:24). Next week: Beyond Imagining: The Perfect Gift {Pt 6}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church (Pt 2)

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read Part 1, Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r).

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining.

It was about this time Robb quit attending church. His timing couldn't have been worse. I had just completed my service on the pastoral search committee and our new pastor soon moved a couple country blocks from our house. Robb helped move them in but was curiously missing on Sundays.

Emotionally, this was a bigger blow to me than our financial situation. I felt kicked in the kidney when I was already down for the count. What next? Irrational fears plagued me, and there was more conflict in our marriage over this issue than I can recall for years.

I felt conspicuous, sitting alone in church. The only time I had ever experienced this before was when Robb was engrossed in church service, running the whole show. I feared what conclusions were being jumped to by those sitting behind and around me. This wasn't who I ever wanted to be, the lone parent taking her kids to church. The first Sunday going alone, I sobbed on an elder's shoulder.

The truth was, Robb's heart could not feel or hear God at church. He loved the people, and did not avoid the community as a whole, but stayed home on Sundays to study on his own. He read church history, researching the early church and asking questions. How did the early church function? What is a believer's purpose within it? How do I apply that to the modern church, and what does that ideally look like? Does the corporate church even value what I have to offer?

He pondered his previous service within the church and his subsequent break from any type of church leadership. Our church had just experienced a tumultuous year, and as one of  those who laid the foundation of the organization, he wondered if he was in some way responsible. It was a productive time for him, even as I reluctantly traipsed the rest of the family to church alone. I felt a spiritual division between us, and though I knew my husband was seeking God and hearing Him, I still felt uneasy.
 
We tried attending a different church together. We stayed home a few weeks to watch online sermons as a family.  We argued points on the definitions of organic church and corporate church. We thought about the benefits of regularly attending church, as opposed to the pain we have seen church politics and its people cause. We discussed the correlation between service and how connected and valued one feels to the community. Around in circles we talked, never getting anywhere.

It didn't take long and the stress of our financial situation and the emotional anxiety I felt about our church conflict began to take its toll on me physically. I had plenty of reasons to be struggling with anxiety, but I soon discovered another cause. My  hypothyroidism was being over-corrected, adding to or causing my symptoms, we are still not sure. I was jittery, tense, often dizzy, emotional.

I cried out (sobbing) to the Lord many times, Lord. It's too much. I can't take any more. I know there are people facing much worse, but I am weak. I don't like this situation. My body doesn't like this stress. I'm tired. Haven't I been through enough?

I pleaded with God to DO something. Fix it.

Finally, I broke down one evening in front of Robb and our girls.

Robb returned to Living Rock the following Sunday, at first for the emotional benefit of me and our kids. Even as he continued to sort out his feelings about church, his presence with me on Sundays was comforting.

We were still waiting for leads on the job front, and were facing many unknowns, but I began to feel more was right with my world.

No matter our philosophizing about an ideal community of believers, Living Rock is OUR family, one we helped create, and invested deeply for years. We realize there are many amazing churches not a great distance away, but there is something so practical about attending a local church; community happens best when its participants are not spread far and wide geographically. In addition, meeting weekly, at a set time, in a set place, adds valuable stability and structure to a body of believers.

There are many books on this topic from varying viewpoints. We have read some of them.
But to be honest, we never came to a complete resolution. We didn't find perfect answers to our questions.

We do know this: the people of Living Rock Church make it our home.

~*~

Next week - Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer (Pt 3)

Crop Check

A farmer went out to sow his seed... Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown... The seed is the Word of God. The seed that fell on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the Word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. Luke 8 - The Parable of the Sower

Morning Dose of Hope

I wait for the LORD,

my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

Psalm 130:5

Guide me in your truth and teach me, 

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:5

More on hope here.

This post includes a {very}subtle hint about what I'm giving away next week.

Scripture It!

God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;

he does great things beyond our understanding.

He says to the snow, "Fall on the earth," 

and to the rain shower, "Be a mighty downpour."

So that all men he has made may know his work...

Job 37:5-7

Harvest

Genesis 8:22

As long as the earth endures, 

seedtime and harvest, 

cold and heat, 

summer and winter, 

day and night 

will never cease.

Streams in the desert

      ^{Is. 43:18-21}

       "Forget the former things;
       do not dwell on the past.

     See, I am doing a new thing!
       Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
       I am making a way in the desert
       and streams in the wasteland.

     The wild animals honor me,
       the jackals and the owls,
       because I provide water in the desert
       and streams in the wasteland,
       to give drink to my people, my chosen,

     the people I formed for myself
       that they may proclaim my praise."

The grass withers 

and the flowers fall,

but the word of our God 

stands forever.

~Isaiah 40:8

Sacred Sunday

Isaiah 45:5-8

        I am the LORD, and there is no other;
       apart from me there is no God.
       I will strengthen you,
       though you have not acknowledged me,

     so that from the rising of the sun
       to the place of its setting
       men may know there is none besides me.
       I am the LORD, and there is no other.

    I form the light and create darkness,
       I bring prosperity and create disaster;
       I, the LORD, do all these things.

    "You heavens above, rain down righteousness;
       let the clouds shower it down.
       Let the earth open wide,
       let salvation spring up,
       let righteousness grow with it;
       I, the LORD, have created it.