Beyond Imagining: Immeasurably More {7}

~*~

But God wasn't done tying up loose ends. In this job, He also gave all the details and past work experiences of the last few years purpose . Robb needed every one of those seemingly random skills to qualify for this job. (The realty and daycare licenses are also still valuable income sources to be utilized as we need.) The LRC position, database  and inventory management for The PRIME Group, all these prepared him for the position of Events Services Resource Coordinator. In his new job, he works with people and details, and coordinates the use of space in a place that feels like going home.

Crown is home in so many ways. My history is long there.

This is the place where I spun on a chair in the prayer room turned nursery on Sundays, ran the halls as a child with my friends after church, and prayed by the pond for after church outings. This is the place that was church to me first, where I sang at the front of that chapel for Sunday School programs, and played fuse-ball near what is now Simpson auditorium.

When I went there for college it felt like going to church because the professors were parents of my friends, and one the husband of my kindergarten teacher. In this place I remember chapels and Deeper Life, choir practice and Candlelight Carols. Though I disliked the name change from SPBC to Crown as a teen, if it weren't for that change I never would have met my husband here,  or then stood in that very stained-glass and sun-spot-dappled chapel and pledged my life and love.

For Robb, it is the place he found grace and assurance of the security of his salvation. He was an RA and on Senate. He drank coffee in Malaysia on a Senate trip with my childhood friend's parents, one a history prof. We traveled to Europe on choir tour in the formative months of our courtship. Then the first 9 months of our marriage were spent in Faith Village, campus married housing, as we finished classes.

We didn't just graduate from this place. It was home.
 
Home isn't just a place. It means family. The people at Crown are an extension of our church family, and some Robb even worked with when he managed volunteers for LRC. In the years since leaving that position, he had missed many aspects of the church job.  The sense of purpose gained from completing management tasks is easily replaced. Community born from compassionate church management is not.

Robb would be jumping in to a community he already knew well and was known.

On the day he was hired and the name badge put on the wall, one of our friends walked by and noticing the sign, is said to have declared,

"Robb Stiffler? THE Robb Stiffler? You mean I get to work with Robb? He was my RA in college!"

The Sunday following I was greeted with a hug from the woman who would share office space with Robb. Her excitement was affirming to both of us that this job and Robb were a perfect match.

I didn't really need reassurance at this point that God had indeed been at work in our lives over the last year. But God likes to go over the top just for effect, I am convinced. On the day Robb was hired, our church and Crown's denomination's website posted Romans 15:13 on their Facebook status. That verse stood as bookends at the beginning and end of our year of hoping.

The Holy Spirit was at work! 
See what I did?  
Hope in ME! 
I've got this!
I've got YOU! 

What seemed like a crooked path to us, is made straight.

Our faith and hope is fulfilled. 

The past is redeemed.

Our Hope is in Christ alone.

And Robb comes home every day and says,

"I love my job!"

The road was long and hard, but we made it! Our waiting makes the victory sweeter, and seeing how God put all the pieces together fills us with wonder at His goodness. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us, 

to him be glory. 

Ephesians 3:20-21

Beyond Imaginging: The Perfect Gift {Pt 6}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read:

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) {Pt 1}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church {Pt 2}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3} 
Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt 4}
Beyond Imagining: Blessed Assurance {Pt 5}

~*~

We were still waiting, yet with peace that this was the path for us. His gift. His answer to a year of waiting for hope to be fulfilled.

After the holidays, Robb got called for his first interview.

It went well. He liked the team. They appeared to like him. Everything was looking good.

A week later, he had his second interview. As he was waiting to be called in to the conference room, he was stunned to see a picture similar to his running path photo hanging in the lobby. He had missed it before.

A little thing? Maybe. But it encouraged us as we walked this path with God.

Again, Robb came home pleased and excited with how well the interview went.

The fog that had obscured our path for so long was clearing.

On Monday, January 16, we got an unexpected phone-call. It wasn't the good news we were waiting for, but rather, the closure to a previous chapter in our business history.  The resulting relief was immense. It was an unexpected blessing. God seemed to be tying up loose ends from the past before giving us a future.

On January 17, he had his third interview, this time with the President of Crown. We had expected to get a final answer that day, and were pretty down to have to wait yet some more.

We over-analyzed every word spoken at each interview trying to guess what the result would be. We feared our reaction if the end was not favorable. We thought we knew what God was up to, but it's not a done deal til the papers are signed, the name plaque made.

The Lord brought this verse to mind as we waited and were tempted to wonder if all this excitement was for naught,   

"Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of heavenly lights,

who does not change like shifting shadows." 

I felt him saying,

I am not tricky.
Nor am I shifty and shadowy like. 
I do not say one thing and do another.
My gifts are good.
Do not despair.
Be not impatient.
Trust.

A friend wrote on my FB wall that day,

"in my experience, the very best things in life sometimes take the longest to be fulfilled. :)"

That evening I went to the Psalms again. I know my God is a God who delights in details. An interesting thought came to me.

What if God waited three more days, until the 20th, to give us this job?

The 20th for the 20th Psalm. My Psalm of victory given exactly one month prior.

Would he do that? Just for effect?

We knew the timetable to be such that we would possibly hear something on Thursday the 19th.

The evening of the 19th came and Robb was discouraged.
We had heard nothing.
I wasn't really surprised.

I pulled out my Bible and read Psalm 20 to him. Then I boldly declared,

"You will hear an answer tomorrow. And the answer will be yes. Because tomorrow is the 20th."

Sometimes God doesn't let us see what is coming, but other times he knows we need encouragement, and clues us in that He is at work. If we're paying attention, we might even get bold enough to speak it before it happens.

(It's easy to write this all now, you may say, after the fact, but aren't you exaggerating your knowledge of events to come?  If you are doubtful, I can understand that. I might say the same thing if on the observing side. Check my Facebook timeline. If I exaggerate anything, it is my confidence at the time. Though I was vague, the verses were posted there on the days I specify here. I haven't been one to regularly "hear" things from God. I'm beginning to think it's because I wasn't really listening.)

I was convinced when I said it, and excited too,
"You will hear an answer tomorrow. And the answer will be yes. Because tomorrow is the 20th."

The next day came, and for effect and for Love, God did just that.

Robb was offered the job.

We found out later, the name plaque had been secretly printed by excited co-workers days earlier.

~*~

I didn't plan this, but isn't it fun that today is also the 20th?  God is fun. :)

Next week: Beyond Imagining: Immeasurably More {7}

Beyond Imagining: Blessed Assurance {Pt 5}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read:

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) {Pt 1}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church {Pt 2}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3} 
Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt 4}

 ~*~

the door of my sister's house in Mexico

We were relieved that there was an increased chance Robb would get the job, but we realized that it was still just about a 25% probability. Few people bet their life on those kinds of numbers, and we aren't some of those few. The path continued, but we didn't know exactly where we were going.

The past year, I had often thought of Job, who lost everything, who moaned and groaned in sackcloth and ashes. It seems he lost joy, even cursed the day he was born, but he would not deny or curse the name of God.  He was considered righteous and proved God's boast in him by just one thing. Faithful perseverance.

We kept walking the path, some days joyful and hopeful, and some just one foot in front of the other. I began to realize even that minimal effort of faith was enough to prove God's boast in me, in us. He sees my deeds, knows my weakness, and yet he is still an opener of doors. And what he opens, no one can shut.
 
Ten more days after the most recent Human Resources contact, I was encouraged again by the Word when my friend texted me saying, "I meant to share this{verse} with you before, but it came back {to me} today, so I know it's important."

So I pray that God who give you hope will keep you happy and FULL of peace as you believe him. May you overflow with HOPE through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 {Caps hers}

The significance of that particular verse hit me immediately.

I answered her, quickly tapping out the letters on my phone,

"That was the verse on my Christmas card last year! I sure hope that means we've come full circle with that verse as bookends to a year that required lots of hope!"

I could hardly believe it when my mom sent me the same verse in an email the following week!

Few times in my life have I felt strongly that God was speaking something specific or possibly prophetic to my heart, and this is one of them.  The problem of hope was confronting us, yet in my darkest hour, when hope seemed foolish, He twice sent me the verse I had chosen for the year.

He saw my weakness and floundering faith, and his voice spoke to my heart.

Probabilities mean nothing when the Holy Spirit is at work! 
See what I am doing?  
This is your open door!
Hope in ME! 

I've got this!

~*~

Thanks for joining me as I tell our story! To those who have given encouraging feedback, thank you! Your words spur me on (Hebrews 10:24). Next week: Beyond Imagining: The Perfect Gift {Pt 6}

Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt 4}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read:

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) {Pt 1}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church {Pt 2}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3} 

 ~*~

The holidays came and we were still waiting.

I remember hearing the song "While I'm Waiting" what seemed like years ago and adopting it as my theme, having no idea how loooong my season of waiting would last. By now, when the song came on the radio,  I was numb to it. Yeah, yeah, wait and worship. Whatever.

I was ready to be done.


We hoped that our loose ends would be tied up in a nice pretty Christmas bow. God gives good gifts, after all, and wouldn't Christmas be the perfect time for such a gift? But it seemed that would not be happening.

Robb had written about hope the previous December:

Hope has a dangerous element, it encourages a desire to strive for the difficult paths and reach for unrealized dreams. That is why it hurts so much when what is hoped for fades or seems out of reach. Don't be afraid to hope my friends, it's worth it.

One year had passed since that comment and we were still trying to hold on to hope, but as the hiring process progressed, the waiting became increasingly difficult. Our growing desire for this job to be our answer correlated to our growing fear that it would not be. We felt the dangerous element of hope. The job seemed too good to be true, out of reach.

We felt keenly the battle for hope and peace in our hearts. I began rallying the troops to pray.

A month had already passed since we had heard of the job opening, and I remember asking the Lord if this was something in which we should be investing so much energy and emotion and hope. I asked Him to give me a word of encouragement and then, hoping God would have something specific to say to me, opened my Bible to the Psalm of the day.

It was December 20th, so I read Psalm 20:

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
   may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
   and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
   and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
   and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
   and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

   May the LORD grant all your requests.

 ⁶ Now this I know:
   The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
   with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
   but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ LORD, give victory to the king!
   Answer us when we call! 

I was stunned to tears.


"May the Lord answer you.....May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed!"

I took these words to heart and they brought me hope me many times over the next days, as we were notified that the pool of applicants was pared down to a few choice candidates.

Robb was still in the running.

We were so relieved, we both cried.

~*~

Next: Beyond Imagining: Blessed Assurance {5}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3}

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read, Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r){Pt1} and Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church{Pt 2}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

~*~

We were still waiting. Waiting for direction. Waiting for opportunities. Waiting for a job. We tried to settle into a routine while waiting.

Robb busied himself running and staying fit. He joked, "I can't run away, but I can run!" He ran up to 12 miles a day. The winter was mild, and he cherished the beauty of the long trails and the time of solitude with God.

I continued homeschooling, and began designing new products for my Etsy shop, (So)Sartina. Sewing filled my time and gave me a sense of purpose, and as Christmas approached, my shop was steadily busy.

Our year had other highlights, too. I think God knew we needed bits of reprieve from the discouragement we felt. A vacation to Mexico (a gift), my youngest sister's wedding, family camp and camping, gatherings with friends, the birth of a nephew: all were sources of joy in a life that felt put on pause.

We had an overabundance of family time. We drove each other a bit crazy too. :) But God was with us, reminding us of His themes in our lives.

One of those themes was illustrated by an experience Robb had on his first hunting trip last fall. Now, months later, we kept hearing, "Remember the deer. Remember the deer," as if on repeat in our minds and hearts. When we went down to En Gedi for quiet and Bible study,  there was the physical evidence staring at us, driving the point home yet again, "Remember the deer."

Many Old Testament stories foreshadow New Testament events, and we felt God was perhaps doing something similar in our own lives. We knew what "Remember the deer" meant in the context of Robb's heart and the lesson he learned that day hunting; God delights in giving us good gifts if we will listen and trust and obey. That his gifts provide inner healing and build our faith was illustrated quite clearly.

But what did "Remember the deer" mean as we looked ahead? How did a past gift apply to our current situation? We listened and watched and tried to be content knowing God was up to something.


In the middle of November, a friend sent Robb a job listing, saying simply, "This is for you." The job description seemed too good to be true. It fit Robb's personality and experience to a T. The commute was a pleasant distance and we were more than familiar with the institution; we met and married there. It was our alma mater.


Robb quickly sent in his resume. And so began more waiting.

We had never considered working there before, but the more we thought about it, our anticipation grew. Not only was the job perfect for Robb, it seemed the previous few years had prepared him for this position specifically. It made "Remember the deer" make sense in that the job would not only meet our monetary need, but also the longing for his specific gifts to be valued. In addition, Crown College is a community of believers, and he was excited at the possibility of working in that type of environment again.


We had it all worked out in our heads, but we couldn't know for sure; was this God's answer to our waiting? As Robb ran long beautiful wooded paths and pondered the life path we were pursuing, the number of applicants he was up against, and the likelihood of getting the position, we wondered, was this God's  path for us?

~*~

Next Week: Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt4}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church (Pt 2)

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read Part 1, Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r).

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining.

It was about this time Robb quit attending church. His timing couldn't have been worse. I had just completed my service on the pastoral search committee and our new pastor soon moved a couple country blocks from our house. Robb helped move them in but was curiously missing on Sundays.

Emotionally, this was a bigger blow to me than our financial situation. I felt kicked in the kidney when I was already down for the count. What next? Irrational fears plagued me, and there was more conflict in our marriage over this issue than I can recall for years.

I felt conspicuous, sitting alone in church. The only time I had ever experienced this before was when Robb was engrossed in church service, running the whole show. I feared what conclusions were being jumped to by those sitting behind and around me. This wasn't who I ever wanted to be, the lone parent taking her kids to church. The first Sunday going alone, I sobbed on an elder's shoulder.

The truth was, Robb's heart could not feel or hear God at church. He loved the people, and did not avoid the community as a whole, but stayed home on Sundays to study on his own. He read church history, researching the early church and asking questions. How did the early church function? What is a believer's purpose within it? How do I apply that to the modern church, and what does that ideally look like? Does the corporate church even value what I have to offer?

He pondered his previous service within the church and his subsequent break from any type of church leadership. Our church had just experienced a tumultuous year, and as one of  those who laid the foundation of the organization, he wondered if he was in some way responsible. It was a productive time for him, even as I reluctantly traipsed the rest of the family to church alone. I felt a spiritual division between us, and though I knew my husband was seeking God and hearing Him, I still felt uneasy.
 
We tried attending a different church together. We stayed home a few weeks to watch online sermons as a family.  We argued points on the definitions of organic church and corporate church. We thought about the benefits of regularly attending church, as opposed to the pain we have seen church politics and its people cause. We discussed the correlation between service and how connected and valued one feels to the community. Around in circles we talked, never getting anywhere.

It didn't take long and the stress of our financial situation and the emotional anxiety I felt about our church conflict began to take its toll on me physically. I had plenty of reasons to be struggling with anxiety, but I soon discovered another cause. My  hypothyroidism was being over-corrected, adding to or causing my symptoms, we are still not sure. I was jittery, tense, often dizzy, emotional.

I cried out (sobbing) to the Lord many times, Lord. It's too much. I can't take any more. I know there are people facing much worse, but I am weak. I don't like this situation. My body doesn't like this stress. I'm tired. Haven't I been through enough?

I pleaded with God to DO something. Fix it.

Finally, I broke down one evening in front of Robb and our girls.

Robb returned to Living Rock the following Sunday, at first for the emotional benefit of me and our kids. Even as he continued to sort out his feelings about church, his presence with me on Sundays was comforting.

We were still waiting for leads on the job front, and were facing many unknowns, but I began to feel more was right with my world.

No matter our philosophizing about an ideal community of believers, Living Rock is OUR family, one we helped create, and invested deeply for years. We realize there are many amazing churches not a great distance away, but there is something so practical about attending a local church; community happens best when its participants are not spread far and wide geographically. In addition, meeting weekly, at a set time, in a set place, adds valuable stability and structure to a body of believers.

There are many books on this topic from varying viewpoints. We have read some of them.
But to be honest, we never came to a complete resolution. We didn't find perfect answers to our questions.

We do know this: the people of Living Rock Church make it our home.

~*~

Next week - Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer (Pt 3)

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) (Pt 1)

We still pinch ourselves.

Most of you know our good news by now, but I need to save these thoughts, express some things here in this place gone recently silent.  I easily forget, like the Israelites and all peoples before and after; my soul, my faith have amnesia. I feel a responsibility to document the faithfulness of God toward us.

I finally have something to say.

Once I started telling our story, the events and emotions of the year poured out of my heart. My original post became so long, I have decided to split it into half a dozen chapters.

Just as I side note, I would like you to know Robb has read and approved my documentation of events, and has even pointed his friends in the direction of this site, as he says I express it best. This is our story, and he has been involved in forming it for you.

What is our good news?

Our waiting is over.

For what were we waiting? A job. Purpose. Direction. An end to the standstill we felt. Hope fulfilled.

~*~

Last year, my Christmas card included this verse:

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

Circumstances the previous few months had required hope, for the present and the future. Our family's struggle to find work that would provide for our needs, when combined with those of close friends facing their own worst fears, threatened to steal all hope, peace and joy.  I knew that the year ahead would require power other than my own.

Over the next months, I frequently came back to this verse, asking against all odds and emotions that were conspiring against my faith, for the Lord to give me joy and peace as I chose to trust Him, for myself and those hurting that surrounded me.

I cannot claim that I always "overflowed" with hope. Yet hope lingered, at times as small as the proverbial mustard seed. Still, I did not give up all hope. That seemed acceptable, given our circumstances, as even a mustard seed faith is sufficient to move mountains.

We lurched along, month by month, pursuing opportunities as they came. Odd and under-productive jobs, and other provisions challenged our self-sufficient pride. We were self-made entrepreneurs, fallen to dependence on others.

We were miserable.

We were waiting to see how God would make sense of it all.

In April I wrote When God Seems Late.

The next month we applied for "unemployment." Thus began our education on government programs. Honestly, it was a valuable experience, and the paperwork a full-time job. I joked that we were finally benefiting from the taxes we had paid over the years as business owners. When we visited the doctor, we no longer had to pay full price like we had for years prior as the uninsured-by-choice.Our dentist visits were free. Great, right?

In reality, it sucked.

Robb sold a couple houses with his realtor license, and that was encouraging, but it wasn't enough.  He applied at multiple staffing agencies and got positive feedback, but over the next few months heard nothing. We jumped through all the hoops to start an in-home daycare, and again, nothing.

Autumn came. Time and available money was about to run out. 

Where was God? It seemed He was not only late.

He had stood us up.

~*~

Next week: Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church (Pt 2)

When God Seems Late

I'll admit it.

For the first time in my life, I'm mad at God.

It is unusual to me, strange even, that I would be mad at him now. I've faced worse things in the not so distant past, so why now? Why would the current set of circumstances make me angry at the one I claim to trust?

Why not back then, when what I thought we were crumbled and I had to redefine my life by grace. Why not all the other years I've lived with an uncertain future? Why not when Robb resigned and I was embarrassed, feared church gossip, and was confused about what God was doing in our lives. Why not those times?

Why now?

I'm tired of change and stress. Unknowns. Waiting.

Tired...

....and whiny.

I think I do know the why of now. In the past when we made decisions, I voiced my opinion, and then let my husband decide. I left all the responsibility on his handsome broad shoulders. Then when things went south, or at least happened in a way that made me unhappy, I could blame him.

Lovely, huh? Convenient, certainly. Pleasant? Not so much. I disgust myself.

This time around, in the roller coaster of our work/finances we sought after God's leading more than we ever have in the past. We were eye's open wide to closing doors and an open one. We walked through, full of faith and dependence and trust.

And you know what? I wrongly assumed that just because we made a decision to walk this path, to follow this road of His will, somehow He would magically provide and we'd have a Disney ending.

But it just hasn't been that clean cut, that easy.

I've said that God is never late, but rarely early.

 Photo credit: Astronomical Clock (Souvenir) (Anthony Dodd) / CC BY-NC 3.0

It feels like he's late.

You know, there's danger in claiming God's leading. Because when things don't pan out the way we thought  and it doesn't look all nice and tidy, we need to be prepared for God to take the blame, or else we need to admit we were wrong. Neither option is easy, especially when we're just as committed to God's reputation as our own.

I'm just being gut honest here. This is hard. Of course I still trust him. He says he'll provide everything we need. It's just that what I think I need and what he thinks I need may look very different.

Somewhere in the Word,* it says that God is not slow in keeping his promises, as some think. He is patient. He has something in mind. He's not on my timetable.

Lyrics to a song come to mind.
"There's a time to be angry and a time to let it go...He is with you." ~Mandisa's With You

With me. I've been waiting for God to show up big.

But he's already here.

So he's not late after all.

Photo Credit: Astronomical Clock (Anthony Dodd) / CC BY-NC 3.0

Time makes no difference to him because he is the God to whom a thousand years is like a day, who calls what isn't into existence, who knows the beginning from the end, who redeems years. And yet His timing is perfect, precise.

It's time to let it go. It being my plan, my expectations, my right to feel sorry for myself, my silly anger at a God whose plans are always better than mine.  I'd better quit whining, learn to be patient like He is patient, get with His program.

He is with me. And He is all I really need.

*2 Peter 3:9

Burden and Birth

My emotions have been matching the seasons.

After struggling through the blinding blizzard of fear, thinking I had faith, but my actions speaking to my soul state, walking in circles, like Mary on her Advent journey, bearing a burden.

Hers was a joyous burden, though, so different than mine, taking on the pressure of providing for my family, too many things on my shoulders, when no one expected it of me but myself, the stress weighing down on me physically, and dizzy with it all swirling around, finally the sun has come out. (I know that's a pretty long run-on sentence. But that's how I was living. Running on. And.On.)

I must give my husband the credit. And my God. Together they spoke my own words back to me.

Choose joy today, Kristina. Choose it moment by moment. Day by day. Whatever you do, choose joy.

My husband has been good to me. Sitting with me in the quiet of our En-Gedi, modeling peace under the burden of providing, reminding me that God is the only one who really provides.

He has spoken promises in our hearts if we only listen and practice trust. Faith is being sure of what we hope for.

He leads and releases me of obligation, says, "Trust me." Both my man and my God speak truth. Gently, ever so tenderly, together they whisper, "Joy. Choose it."

Even in the midst of insecurity. In the middle of strife. When bearing the burden of the mundane. Choose.

Because of  Christ, and by the power and hope of the Holy Spirit, the burden is birthed to joy. And the whole world sings,

"Joy to the World, the Lord has come."

How has He brought joy to you?

May the God of hope 

fill you with all joy and peace 

as you trust in him, 

so that you may overflow with hope

by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

~Romans 15:13

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Jobs and Such

So here's the thing. Robb is in training to get his realtor license. I think that's what you call it. Actually he passed his tests last week, so now he just has to finish his classes. He got a job working for friends of ours as the office manager of a Counselor Realty office. He'll be listing property as well.

On the first day of class, he called me excitedly and said, "I was made for this." That was also confirmed in the class that pinpointed personality types that excel in the field. He loves laws and guidelines and paperwork and details and meeting people and phone calls and the internet. He's weird like that.

But I love him anyway. 

And doesn't he look skinny, ya'll?? :)

(Honey, when this post is delivered to your phone, don't click the photo link. kthanx.)

And the housing market can only get better, right?

For a variety of reasons, we are so thankful we sold our business when we did. We were paying attention. Call it common sense, discernment, wisdom, or the whisper of God, our hearts were prepared and when the opportunity to sell came, we jumped. And not a moment too soon. The entire upper management at the company we did business for was completely replaced within two weeks. We are so thankful all the loose ends with that company were tied and severed before all that took place, so none of the upheaval affected us.

Now, since Robb's got nothing better to do, (ha!) he will continue on and take the next level of classes and get his GRI Designation (Graduated Realtor Institute). So for the next month he will be spending lots of time driving and in class and reading and such. I won't be able to call him to come rescue me if I get a flat tire, or if the kids are driving me to the edge of sanity. But I can text him. *insert evil laugh*

Honestly? I never would have guessed this is what God would have for us. But there have been lots of surprises over the years. And if I've learned one thing, it's that all I ever learned about God's provision is true. I believed it then. I KNOW it now. And so, we prepare for the next thing.

Anyone looking for a house or have a house to list? *Grin*

Here we are Again

Worry. It makes knots out of stomachs and causes breath to come fast. It pushes every other part of life aside and makes murky the mind. It eats away rational thought and grows ugly and frightened.

Maybe that's why worry is not OK with God. I would even venture to call it sin. The Bible does say, "Do not worry." So why don't we listen? Jesus reminds me, "My peace I give you" and "perfect love casts out fear" and "fear not, for I am with you."

Peace and worry cannot co-exist in the same conscience. They oppose each other and reveal where my heart rests. Does it seek peace in self-reliance, in figuring it all out, or does it rest in the promises of Christ?

If I worry, I reject His peace.

To cast aside all worry, though, seems foolish and irresponsible. My flesh and all common sense scream, Yes, I should worry about my kids, and about my bills and about my health. Aren't we supposed to plan, make goals, and stick to our word? Shouldn't we strive to have our lives in order, structured, with no great surprises?

Isn't our God a God of order?

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Yes, He is a God or order, and he does have a plan. He just doesn't always let me see it from beginning to end.  Sometimes he ends a chapter and won't let me read the next.  I sit staring at a blank page. He asks me to make hard decisions and all I can do is trust He will honor my obedience.


Faith: being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see. Hebrews 11:1

I am sure God has not changed. He was faithful. He is faithful. He will be faithful. I can't see ahead, but I look behind and see only His goodness and kindness, evident even in the midst of struggle.

When worry creeps in, it takes me 3.2 seconds to recognize that fear-knot and work it out with faith. I wasn't always that quick. Re-writing the circuits of a mind takes painful practice. And I've had a bit of that. And practicing faith increases faith.

A few years ago, our house was for sale, we planned to build a new one and then Robb resigned his job.  Our house sold quickly (for a crashing market) and we had no idea where we were going to live. The resignation itself was enough stress, and very public, but add to that imagining homeschooling with three kids in an apartment for a long MN winter? Enough to cause a certified breakdown.

The verse God brought to my mind was common enough. I'd heard it my whole life. But my need resurrected the words and I claimed them. I wrote the verse out, with scrolly flowers all around, and posted it on my fridge.


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Every time my heart began rapid panic beats, and my mind began the crazy cycle of fear and worry, I went to the fridge and read that verse. I read it and claimed each phrase.

"Do not be anxious." Lord, I choose not be anxious and fearful right now. I trust you. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I choose to believe you have my best in mind. You are a good God. This not knowing is not be pleasant right now, but even if I have to live in a tiny, icky apartment I choose to believe we'll be OK. "with thanksgiving" I thank you for this time of growth. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding" I claim your peace and believe that your peace will come and be beyond explanation. I give my worry and fear to you and know that you will guard my heart and my mind from worry and anger and fear. Lord, you are enough.

Over and over, throughout the day, I beat a path to that posted verse.

"Do not be anxious  about anything (deep, slow breath), but in everything, by prayer and petition, (breath in) with thanksgiving,  present your requests to God. (breath out) And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, (breath in) will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."(breath out)


As the page turned, God chose to spare us from the reality I feared. We never ended up in a teeny tiny apartment. We found this lovely farm to rent, our dream place, really, and we've been here ever since. I learned that when we give up what we think we want and surrender those dreams, and fears as well, to Him, He just might surprise us with something better. I guess he knows our hearts and our dreams better than we ourselves do. And that is why I trust Him.

Again, we are in a similar place, facing unknowns. We sold the web venues of our business on Wednesday. The question follows, "What are you going to do?"

That's a good question.

And I know what to do with it.

Today, I do not trust in shady business deals, in the promises of company reps, or in a stocked warehouse. I do not hope in eBay sales or high ratings.

I do not worry about things I cannot control. Because I know who controls all things.
I am confident my Lord will provide.With purpose and prayer I place my hope in Him.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.-Phil 4:9 


Worry flees. And Peace dwells within.

Choosing today to see the Bigger Picture that God knows when I don't.