Beyond Imagining: Immeasurably More {7}

~*~

But God wasn't done tying up loose ends. In this job, He also gave all the details and past work experiences of the last few years purpose . Robb needed every one of those seemingly random skills to qualify for this job. (The realty and daycare licenses are also still valuable income sources to be utilized as we need.) The LRC position, database  and inventory management for The PRIME Group, all these prepared him for the position of Events Services Resource Coordinator. In his new job, he works with people and details, and coordinates the use of space in a place that feels like going home.

Crown is home in so many ways. My history is long there.

This is the place where I spun on a chair in the prayer room turned nursery on Sundays, ran the halls as a child with my friends after church, and prayed by the pond for after church outings. This is the place that was church to me first, where I sang at the front of that chapel for Sunday School programs, and played fuse-ball near what is now Simpson auditorium.

When I went there for college it felt like going to church because the professors were parents of my friends, and one the husband of my kindergarten teacher. In this place I remember chapels and Deeper Life, choir practice and Candlelight Carols. Though I disliked the name change from SPBC to Crown as a teen, if it weren't for that change I never would have met my husband here,  or then stood in that very stained-glass and sun-spot-dappled chapel and pledged my life and love.

For Robb, it is the place he found grace and assurance of the security of his salvation. He was an RA and on Senate. He drank coffee in Malaysia on a Senate trip with my childhood friend's parents, one a history prof. We traveled to Europe on choir tour in the formative months of our courtship. Then the first 9 months of our marriage were spent in Faith Village, campus married housing, as we finished classes.

We didn't just graduate from this place. It was home.
 
Home isn't just a place. It means family. The people at Crown are an extension of our church family, and some Robb even worked with when he managed volunteers for LRC. In the years since leaving that position, he had missed many aspects of the church job.  The sense of purpose gained from completing management tasks is easily replaced. Community born from compassionate church management is not.

Robb would be jumping in to a community he already knew well and was known.

On the day he was hired and the name badge put on the wall, one of our friends walked by and noticing the sign, is said to have declared,

"Robb Stiffler? THE Robb Stiffler? You mean I get to work with Robb? He was my RA in college!"

The Sunday following I was greeted with a hug from the woman who would share office space with Robb. Her excitement was affirming to both of us that this job and Robb were a perfect match.

I didn't really need reassurance at this point that God had indeed been at work in our lives over the last year. But God likes to go over the top just for effect, I am convinced. On the day Robb was hired, our church and Crown's denomination's website posted Romans 15:13 on their Facebook status. That verse stood as bookends at the beginning and end of our year of hoping.

The Holy Spirit was at work! 
See what I did?  
Hope in ME! 
I've got this!
I've got YOU! 

What seemed like a crooked path to us, is made straight.

Our faith and hope is fulfilled. 

The past is redeemed.

Our Hope is in Christ alone.

And Robb comes home every day and says,

"I love my job!"

The road was long and hard, but we made it! Our waiting makes the victory sweeter, and seeing how God put all the pieces together fills us with wonder at His goodness. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us, 

to him be glory. 

Ephesians 3:20-21

Beyond Imaginging: The Perfect Gift {Pt 6}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read:

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) {Pt 1}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church {Pt 2}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3} 
Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt 4}
Beyond Imagining: Blessed Assurance {Pt 5}

~*~

We were still waiting, yet with peace that this was the path for us. His gift. His answer to a year of waiting for hope to be fulfilled.

After the holidays, Robb got called for his first interview.

It went well. He liked the team. They appeared to like him. Everything was looking good.

A week later, he had his second interview. As he was waiting to be called in to the conference room, he was stunned to see a picture similar to his running path photo hanging in the lobby. He had missed it before.

A little thing? Maybe. But it encouraged us as we walked this path with God.

Again, Robb came home pleased and excited with how well the interview went.

The fog that had obscured our path for so long was clearing.

On Monday, January 16, we got an unexpected phone-call. It wasn't the good news we were waiting for, but rather, the closure to a previous chapter in our business history.  The resulting relief was immense. It was an unexpected blessing. God seemed to be tying up loose ends from the past before giving us a future.

On January 17, he had his third interview, this time with the President of Crown. We had expected to get a final answer that day, and were pretty down to have to wait yet some more.

We over-analyzed every word spoken at each interview trying to guess what the result would be. We feared our reaction if the end was not favorable. We thought we knew what God was up to, but it's not a done deal til the papers are signed, the name plaque made.

The Lord brought this verse to mind as we waited and were tempted to wonder if all this excitement was for naught,   

"Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of heavenly lights,

who does not change like shifting shadows." 

I felt him saying,

I am not tricky.
Nor am I shifty and shadowy like. 
I do not say one thing and do another.
My gifts are good.
Do not despair.
Be not impatient.
Trust.

A friend wrote on my FB wall that day,

"in my experience, the very best things in life sometimes take the longest to be fulfilled. :)"

That evening I went to the Psalms again. I know my God is a God who delights in details. An interesting thought came to me.

What if God waited three more days, until the 20th, to give us this job?

The 20th for the 20th Psalm. My Psalm of victory given exactly one month prior.

Would he do that? Just for effect?

We knew the timetable to be such that we would possibly hear something on Thursday the 19th.

The evening of the 19th came and Robb was discouraged.
We had heard nothing.
I wasn't really surprised.

I pulled out my Bible and read Psalm 20 to him. Then I boldly declared,

"You will hear an answer tomorrow. And the answer will be yes. Because tomorrow is the 20th."

Sometimes God doesn't let us see what is coming, but other times he knows we need encouragement, and clues us in that He is at work. If we're paying attention, we might even get bold enough to speak it before it happens.

(It's easy to write this all now, you may say, after the fact, but aren't you exaggerating your knowledge of events to come?  If you are doubtful, I can understand that. I might say the same thing if on the observing side. Check my Facebook timeline. If I exaggerate anything, it is my confidence at the time. Though I was vague, the verses were posted there on the days I specify here. I haven't been one to regularly "hear" things from God. I'm beginning to think it's because I wasn't really listening.)

I was convinced when I said it, and excited too,
"You will hear an answer tomorrow. And the answer will be yes. Because tomorrow is the 20th."

The next day came, and for effect and for Love, God did just that.

Robb was offered the job.

We found out later, the name plaque had been secretly printed by excited co-workers days earlier.

~*~

I didn't plan this, but isn't it fun that today is also the 20th?  God is fun. :)

Next week: Beyond Imagining: Immeasurably More {7}

Beyond Imagining: Blessed Assurance {Pt 5}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read:

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) {Pt 1}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church {Pt 2}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3} 
Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt 4}

 ~*~

the door of my sister's house in Mexico

We were relieved that there was an increased chance Robb would get the job, but we realized that it was still just about a 25% probability. Few people bet their life on those kinds of numbers, and we aren't some of those few. The path continued, but we didn't know exactly where we were going.

The past year, I had often thought of Job, who lost everything, who moaned and groaned in sackcloth and ashes. It seems he lost joy, even cursed the day he was born, but he would not deny or curse the name of God.  He was considered righteous and proved God's boast in him by just one thing. Faithful perseverance.

We kept walking the path, some days joyful and hopeful, and some just one foot in front of the other. I began to realize even that minimal effort of faith was enough to prove God's boast in me, in us. He sees my deeds, knows my weakness, and yet he is still an opener of doors. And what he opens, no one can shut.
 
Ten more days after the most recent Human Resources contact, I was encouraged again by the Word when my friend texted me saying, "I meant to share this{verse} with you before, but it came back {to me} today, so I know it's important."

So I pray that God who give you hope will keep you happy and FULL of peace as you believe him. May you overflow with HOPE through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 {Caps hers}

The significance of that particular verse hit me immediately.

I answered her, quickly tapping out the letters on my phone,

"That was the verse on my Christmas card last year! I sure hope that means we've come full circle with that verse as bookends to a year that required lots of hope!"

I could hardly believe it when my mom sent me the same verse in an email the following week!

Few times in my life have I felt strongly that God was speaking something specific or possibly prophetic to my heart, and this is one of them.  The problem of hope was confronting us, yet in my darkest hour, when hope seemed foolish, He twice sent me the verse I had chosen for the year.

He saw my weakness and floundering faith, and his voice spoke to my heart.

Probabilities mean nothing when the Holy Spirit is at work! 
See what I am doing?  
This is your open door!
Hope in ME! 

I've got this!

~*~

Thanks for joining me as I tell our story! To those who have given encouraging feedback, thank you! Your words spur me on (Hebrews 10:24). Next week: Beyond Imagining: The Perfect Gift {Pt 6}

{So}Sartina: Around Town

This week was an exciting one for my little home-sewn business, but I must admit to a few nerves as well! Sharing one's heart as I have been for the past few Mondays can feel vulnerable and humbling, and sharing one's art is no different.

Will they like it? Will it sell? It is good enough? Am I good enough? 


I did my best to ignore the little nagging voices inside, packed up a tote of bags and made my way to my hometown last Friday morning. There's a lovely little clothing shop in town that I adore, and the owner asked me to consign some of my bags there!
 
Designing bags, choosing fabrics, and sewing is definitely a job I treasure. Often though, I doubt my own artistic intuition and second guess my design style. But, as The Stash owner unpacked my items, she complimented the very bag I was most insecure about! Learning to face my fears and value my talents and artistic instincts is a process, but with each encouraging word, I begin to believe I can do this!


See that mess of bags hanging on the door? Those are my label!

 
If you live in the area, and haven't been to The Stash, you need to check it out! They have great on-trend items and very reasonable prices too! Follow their FB page so you don't miss their store-wide 50% off sales. I took advantage of their deals recently and those items have become my favorites!

In addition to The Stash carrying my bags, my favorite coffee shop now sells my cloth monkey! The Mocha Monkey just couldn't refuse such an adorable mascot! Don't you think he looks a bit like their monkey lid stickers?

I love my hometown! To see an inside view of both establishments, and why Waconia is becoming a destination town, check out this video appropriately titled, Why we love Waconia:  

(Don't let the cover image scare you off. This is a beautifully done video! The Stash and Mocha Monkey can be seen  at :35 - 1:00)

Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt 4}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read:

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) {Pt 1}

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church {Pt 2}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3} 

 ~*~

The holidays came and we were still waiting.

I remember hearing the song "While I'm Waiting" what seemed like years ago and adopting it as my theme, having no idea how loooong my season of waiting would last. By now, when the song came on the radio,  I was numb to it. Yeah, yeah, wait and worship. Whatever.

I was ready to be done.


We hoped that our loose ends would be tied up in a nice pretty Christmas bow. God gives good gifts, after all, and wouldn't Christmas be the perfect time for such a gift? But it seemed that would not be happening.

Robb had written about hope the previous December:

Hope has a dangerous element, it encourages a desire to strive for the difficult paths and reach for unrealized dreams. That is why it hurts so much when what is hoped for fades or seems out of reach. Don't be afraid to hope my friends, it's worth it.

One year had passed since that comment and we were still trying to hold on to hope, but as the hiring process progressed, the waiting became increasingly difficult. Our growing desire for this job to be our answer correlated to our growing fear that it would not be. We felt the dangerous element of hope. The job seemed too good to be true, out of reach.

We felt keenly the battle for hope and peace in our hearts. I began rallying the troops to pray.

A month had already passed since we had heard of the job opening, and I remember asking the Lord if this was something in which we should be investing so much energy and emotion and hope. I asked Him to give me a word of encouragement and then, hoping God would have something specific to say to me, opened my Bible to the Psalm of the day.

It was December 20th, so I read Psalm 20:

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
   may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
   and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
   and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
   and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
   and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

   May the LORD grant all your requests.

 ⁶ Now this I know:
   The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
   with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
   but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ LORD, give victory to the king!
   Answer us when we call! 

I was stunned to tears.


"May the Lord answer you.....May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed!"

I took these words to heart and they brought me hope me many times over the next days, as we were notified that the pool of applicants was pared down to a few choice candidates.

Robb was still in the running.

We were so relieved, we both cried.

~*~

Next: Beyond Imagining: Blessed Assurance {5}

Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer {Pt 3}

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read, Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r){Pt1} and Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church{Pt 2}

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining. 

~*~

We were still waiting. Waiting for direction. Waiting for opportunities. Waiting for a job. We tried to settle into a routine while waiting.

Robb busied himself running and staying fit. He joked, "I can't run away, but I can run!" He ran up to 12 miles a day. The winter was mild, and he cherished the beauty of the long trails and the time of solitude with God.

I continued homeschooling, and began designing new products for my Etsy shop, (So)Sartina. Sewing filled my time and gave me a sense of purpose, and as Christmas approached, my shop was steadily busy.

Our year had other highlights, too. I think God knew we needed bits of reprieve from the discouragement we felt. A vacation to Mexico (a gift), my youngest sister's wedding, family camp and camping, gatherings with friends, the birth of a nephew: all were sources of joy in a life that felt put on pause.

We had an overabundance of family time. We drove each other a bit crazy too. :) But God was with us, reminding us of His themes in our lives.

One of those themes was illustrated by an experience Robb had on his first hunting trip last fall. Now, months later, we kept hearing, "Remember the deer. Remember the deer," as if on repeat in our minds and hearts. When we went down to En Gedi for quiet and Bible study,  there was the physical evidence staring at us, driving the point home yet again, "Remember the deer."

Many Old Testament stories foreshadow New Testament events, and we felt God was perhaps doing something similar in our own lives. We knew what "Remember the deer" meant in the context of Robb's heart and the lesson he learned that day hunting; God delights in giving us good gifts if we will listen and trust and obey. That his gifts provide inner healing and build our faith was illustrated quite clearly.

But what did "Remember the deer" mean as we looked ahead? How did a past gift apply to our current situation? We listened and watched and tried to be content knowing God was up to something.


In the middle of November, a friend sent Robb a job listing, saying simply, "This is for you." The job description seemed too good to be true. It fit Robb's personality and experience to a T. The commute was a pleasant distance and we were more than familiar with the institution; we met and married there. It was our alma mater.


Robb quickly sent in his resume. And so began more waiting.

We had never considered working there before, but the more we thought about it, our anticipation grew. Not only was the job perfect for Robb, it seemed the previous few years had prepared him for this position specifically. It made "Remember the deer" make sense in that the job would not only meet our monetary need, but also the longing for his specific gifts to be valued. In addition, Crown College is a community of believers, and he was excited at the possibility of working in that type of environment again.


We had it all worked out in our heads, but we couldn't know for sure; was this God's answer to our waiting? As Robb ran long beautiful wooded paths and pondered the life path we were pursuing, the number of applicants he was up against, and the likelihood of getting the position, we wondered, was this God's  path for us?

~*~

Next Week: Beyond Imagining: Dangerous Hope {Pt4}

Pinterest:Tried and (Mostly) Approved {2}

1.} Chocolate Chip Granola Bars

I will never buy another granola bar again. My kids LOVE them! Easy, fast. These actually stay together. This recipe gets a 10 on taste. They definitely are not low cal, but there's no HFCS or other mysterious ingredient, and the cost is superbly low! For a lower calorie snack, cut them smaller! That's what food manufacturers seem to do!

Notice the last point! lol! Vanilla has never gotten such a bad rap!

I switched it up for myself by doubling the recipe and using 2 cups rice krispies, 2 cups oats and 2 cups of my homemade granola. This has a nuttier, fruitier taste. Mmmmmm.

To calculate calories for your own recipes go here.

2.} Bar Soap to Hand Soap

Washing my hands is as close to a spa treatment as I get, so it's no wonder I love the fancy smelling liquid hand soaps.  Lemon Verbena, Lavender, Coffee Mint, Almond. I just can't go back to the cheap stuff, and now there's no need!! I paid $1.50 for a bar of natural lavender soap from our natural grocer which will make one gallon of liquid soap. That's even less pennies than the cheap gallon at Sam's Club!

Note: I do not risk my knuckles on a hand grater, I go food processor all the way! 

3.} Shower Cleaner

This one I was not impressed with. The original recipe I followed called for equal parts hot vinegar and Blue Dawn dish soap. The first mistake I made was pouring my hot vinegar into a sprayer just like the one shown below.

It promptly melted.

Optimistically assuming that would be the only thing to go wrong with my cleaning project, I began spraying the thick blue concoction all over the shower. If I would have thought about it before I tried it, I would have realized that was way too much soap. It took forever and a day to get all the suds rinsed off the shower doors.

I was soaking wet by the time my shower was clean.

I think the effectiveness of this recipe is based on how much rubbing and rinsing is needed to rid the shower of bubbles.

4.} Button Bib Necklace

This one, I actually made at a community Project Night sponsored by all the cute little shops of Waconia.

I received lots of compliments on it when at the Project Night, but I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to actually wear it in public....

My version:

What have you found on Pinterest lately?

Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church (Pt 2)

If you are just now finding this series, please jump back and read Part 1, Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r).

This is the story of our year where I chronicle our journey through unemployment, a few of our detours along the way,  and the faithfulness of a good God that is beyond imagining.

It was about this time Robb quit attending church. His timing couldn't have been worse. I had just completed my service on the pastoral search committee and our new pastor soon moved a couple country blocks from our house. Robb helped move them in but was curiously missing on Sundays.

Emotionally, this was a bigger blow to me than our financial situation. I felt kicked in the kidney when I was already down for the count. What next? Irrational fears plagued me, and there was more conflict in our marriage over this issue than I can recall for years.

I felt conspicuous, sitting alone in church. The only time I had ever experienced this before was when Robb was engrossed in church service, running the whole show. I feared what conclusions were being jumped to by those sitting behind and around me. This wasn't who I ever wanted to be, the lone parent taking her kids to church. The first Sunday going alone, I sobbed on an elder's shoulder.

The truth was, Robb's heart could not feel or hear God at church. He loved the people, and did not avoid the community as a whole, but stayed home on Sundays to study on his own. He read church history, researching the early church and asking questions. How did the early church function? What is a believer's purpose within it? How do I apply that to the modern church, and what does that ideally look like? Does the corporate church even value what I have to offer?

He pondered his previous service within the church and his subsequent break from any type of church leadership. Our church had just experienced a tumultuous year, and as one of  those who laid the foundation of the organization, he wondered if he was in some way responsible. It was a productive time for him, even as I reluctantly traipsed the rest of the family to church alone. I felt a spiritual division between us, and though I knew my husband was seeking God and hearing Him, I still felt uneasy.
 
We tried attending a different church together. We stayed home a few weeks to watch online sermons as a family.  We argued points on the definitions of organic church and corporate church. We thought about the benefits of regularly attending church, as opposed to the pain we have seen church politics and its people cause. We discussed the correlation between service and how connected and valued one feels to the community. Around in circles we talked, never getting anywhere.

It didn't take long and the stress of our financial situation and the emotional anxiety I felt about our church conflict began to take its toll on me physically. I had plenty of reasons to be struggling with anxiety, but I soon discovered another cause. My  hypothyroidism was being over-corrected, adding to or causing my symptoms, we are still not sure. I was jittery, tense, often dizzy, emotional.

I cried out (sobbing) to the Lord many times, Lord. It's too much. I can't take any more. I know there are people facing much worse, but I am weak. I don't like this situation. My body doesn't like this stress. I'm tired. Haven't I been through enough?

I pleaded with God to DO something. Fix it.

Finally, I broke down one evening in front of Robb and our girls.

Robb returned to Living Rock the following Sunday, at first for the emotional benefit of me and our kids. Even as he continued to sort out his feelings about church, his presence with me on Sundays was comforting.

We were still waiting for leads on the job front, and were facing many unknowns, but I began to feel more was right with my world.

No matter our philosophizing about an ideal community of believers, Living Rock is OUR family, one we helped create, and invested deeply for years. We realize there are many amazing churches not a great distance away, but there is something so practical about attending a local church; community happens best when its participants are not spread far and wide geographically. In addition, meeting weekly, at a set time, in a set place, adds valuable stability and structure to a body of believers.

There are many books on this topic from varying viewpoints. We have read some of them.
But to be honest, we never came to a complete resolution. We didn't find perfect answers to our questions.

We do know this: the people of Living Rock Church make it our home.

~*~

Next week - Beyond Imagining: Remember the Deer (Pt 3)

Beyond Imagining: When God is Late(r) (Pt 1)

We still pinch ourselves.

Most of you know our good news by now, but I need to save these thoughts, express some things here in this place gone recently silent.  I easily forget, like the Israelites and all peoples before and after; my soul, my faith have amnesia. I feel a responsibility to document the faithfulness of God toward us.

I finally have something to say.

Once I started telling our story, the events and emotions of the year poured out of my heart. My original post became so long, I have decided to split it into half a dozen chapters.

Just as I side note, I would like you to know Robb has read and approved my documentation of events, and has even pointed his friends in the direction of this site, as he says I express it best. This is our story, and he has been involved in forming it for you.

What is our good news?

Our waiting is over.

For what were we waiting? A job. Purpose. Direction. An end to the standstill we felt. Hope fulfilled.

~*~

Last year, my Christmas card included this verse:

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

Circumstances the previous few months had required hope, for the present and the future. Our family's struggle to find work that would provide for our needs, when combined with those of close friends facing their own worst fears, threatened to steal all hope, peace and joy.  I knew that the year ahead would require power other than my own.

Over the next months, I frequently came back to this verse, asking against all odds and emotions that were conspiring against my faith, for the Lord to give me joy and peace as I chose to trust Him, for myself and those hurting that surrounded me.

I cannot claim that I always "overflowed" with hope. Yet hope lingered, at times as small as the proverbial mustard seed. Still, I did not give up all hope. That seemed acceptable, given our circumstances, as even a mustard seed faith is sufficient to move mountains.

We lurched along, month by month, pursuing opportunities as they came. Odd and under-productive jobs, and other provisions challenged our self-sufficient pride. We were self-made entrepreneurs, fallen to dependence on others.

We were miserable.

We were waiting to see how God would make sense of it all.

In April I wrote When God Seems Late.

The next month we applied for "unemployment." Thus began our education on government programs. Honestly, it was a valuable experience, and the paperwork a full-time job. I joked that we were finally benefiting from the taxes we had paid over the years as business owners. When we visited the doctor, we no longer had to pay full price like we had for years prior as the uninsured-by-choice.Our dentist visits were free. Great, right?

In reality, it sucked.

Robb sold a couple houses with his realtor license, and that was encouraging, but it wasn't enough.  He applied at multiple staffing agencies and got positive feedback, but over the next few months heard nothing. We jumped through all the hoops to start an in-home daycare, and again, nothing.

Autumn came. Time and available money was about to run out. 

Where was God? It seemed He was not only late.

He had stood us up.

~*~

Next week: Beyond Imagining: Quitting Church (Pt 2)

Merry Christmas!