Child's Pose

Some days after finishing serving breakfast and wiping yogurt off chairs and faces and floor, I let the kids play, and I lay on the floor in shavasana and let the tension ease out of my back and shoulders even while the baby's socked feet kick my shins. A toddler bangs the upside down metal bin that toys have been dumped from and the normal morning clatter continues around me.

I let the tension and noise fall away.

The fog of this season was brief this go around and I've felt comparatively emotionally stable. The tears come, but they've not lasted all night or felt uncontrollable. It's a mercy. Still, our bodies carry stress no matter how well we handle our grief. There is no avoiding the physical effect of trauma. My shoulders carry the weight of the burden, even when my heart is at peace.

I attended my first Divorce Care class last night. It was good in the hard kind of way. I listened to others stories and was thankful for my own. There is grace written all over my story. Providential preparation, community building. I could not have known where I would land, and did everything in my power to keep from ending up here, but God knew. He knew all along.

I do not for a minute think he planned this ending or stamped his approval on this draft version of my life, but I do know he is present and he makes all things work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I can confidently say I fit in that category!

I switch to child's pose, body folded over my split knees, arms stretched forward.  I position my heart and my body in surrender, secure in the knowledge that my Father is good and can be trusted even when my world is full of change.